...pain

There is a pain that I have been dealing with, that I have been carrying around in my heart for a long time. I don't know how to deal with it and I am not sure that I know where it came from. I just wish it would go away. It is deep and supressed, and produces a dull numb feeling on the inside that I cannot seem to shake very often.

I do believe that things are getting better though. There has been all kinds of good things going on in my life right now. There has also been a good share of sad things. But God has helped me to get through those things knowing that He will carry me through. It doesn't mean that I won't miss those parts of my life, but that I know He has all things in His hands.

I know that this pain on the inside will not swallow me up because God has me in His arms, but I just wish that I could let go. It's not that I don't want to let go, it's not that I have some desire deep inside to keep holding on. I just don't know how to let go. Today i felt it to the point of just wanting to go and be alone by myself and talk to God about it. You know, He is a good refuge.

I just want to be happy again...

I could keep typing, going into all the things that I think it has to deal with. Maybe I would find peices to the puzzle of why I keep holding on to something that I want to drop to the ground. I remember a traumatic experience from my past, but even when thinking abou tit I am numb. I just want to be free! Christ brings freedom. It is coming, I just wish it was now.