Step by Step

I don't know about anyone else out there, but I have a big desire in my heart to do great things... big things. It's not about getting an ego trip or anything. It's because I want to be able to look back on my life and see that I actually did something, that I actually made a difference. I know that the biggest difference that I can make is whatever God has for me. And yes, I know that even the small things can make big differences that we might not even see, but still. I have this desire to see that I did something that made a difference... that I wasn't just another passerby in this life. I want to dream big and impact lives... but where I am seems to be so discouraging. I find myself drifting in life, one day after another, just trying to make it for a little bit longer doing whatever I am at the moment. I don't want to live a life where nothing gets done... where my life is carried on monotonously by my inactivity. It's a flower with no seeds. It's nice... or maybe not... to look at for those nearby, but nothing comes of it. I want to bear fruit! I want to see God use me in great ways! But how do I find my way out of this slouching mess of lazy behavior?

I was thinking about this when the Holy Spirit brought this verse to my mind... haha paraphrased of course... but ... you have to be faithful in the small things before God will give you bigger things. If we are faithful in little, then we will be faithful in much. That, my friends, sticks out to me... not tomorrow or a few years from now... not in my past where I can't change it, but rather, here in the present. If I am faithful with the things He has given me to do right now, then He will bring me to the place where I will do "great things" for Him. They may not be something that I in my finite mind can see as great... but God knows what part in His plan I have. If I never find out what affect my life has on other people, I should be able to be content knowing that I made the biggest difference that I could... how? By following God's will for my life day by day... being faithful in the small and the big. That is how we accomplish great things, for all things that God does... including the "what we think is small" are great. Be encouraged, God can use you for great things ;)

Interests

There are many different things that I am interested in. For instance, I reaaaally have a passion for doing things on the computer. I'm not talking about just video games or surfing the web, I mean serious programming/editing stuff. I love that kind of stuff. It is a "thirst" within my soul to do that. Also I know that I need to be doing music. Once I am in the midst of playing music, it becomes an overwhelming passion. God also is another passion, to follow Him and to be close. (even though sometimes it doesn't come first...eeep. It should.) Thing is, I have all these interests and a desire to seek after God. So, what should I do?

I know I am called to music and singing. I know that. But computer stuff... I almost feel as if I am going back to the stuff that I wanted to do before I ever got involved in music. Well, the desire I had back then is still in me.... does that make it a bad desire? I don't know. I love programming/editing/repairing etc. on computers as well as doing stuff with music. It's a deep rooted passion. I could almost say that God has given me a gift with computers too. Should I develop it or should i concentrate mostly on music?

It sounds as if maybe I should mostly concentrate on music and if I have free time, do stuff with computers. Or maybe I should def try to make time for both? ah... lots of questions. Few answers. What do you guys think?I guess the bottom line should be to just try to find out what God wants and go for it. I want to do what He wants me to do... but sometimes it can be so hard to understand where He is pointing... whether or not the push you feel in you is you... or God. Know what I mean? ~sigh~

Yet Another Day

      Today is yet another day that I haven't done very much to seek after God. It's sad really because I want to. I just find it difficult to do... to get around to doing it. Too many things get in the way and I end up wasting my time on things that don't even matter. It is frustrating. I know that I want to be close to God. But I find myself wasting my time. It can be hard work wanting to be close to God. But why? Should it be hard work? Why shouldn't I want to do that more and more?

      It's the flesh. It fights against the Spirit. It doesn't want anything to do with spiritual things. It would rather focus on what feels good in the meantime. It wants to please itself and not God. But I, the man on the inside, want to do what is right. I guess it is a classic example of what Paul was talking about in Romans 7:14-25. It is the whole, what I want to do, I don't do... and what I do not want to do, thats what I end up doing. However, Paul here is referring to this happening while we are "carnal, sold under sin." We are no longer sold to sin who are in Christ Jesus. We put ourselves back under its control. We are free. Paul rings out in the end in verse 24 and 25a, "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord." He goes on to say though, "So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." I will do more reasearch on it, but I don't think that this passage is supposed to be talking about those who are intently following Christ. This shouldn't be a norm thing for someone who is close to Christ. Therefore, I think it is because I have begun walking according to the flesh more than according to the Spirit. I need to get back to seeking God with all I am, laying down my will and flesh.

      Sigh~ I know. It is true that we here on earth will make mistakes. We will fight with the flesh. But we must not give up and live according to it. Perhaps that is why Paul exhorts us to, "crucify the flesh" so that we will live according to the Spirit... moving closer and closer to God, growing in our love of Him. Crucifying it can be hard though. My flesh likes to do what it wants... like... sit around and play video games a lot. Or... not doing what I am supposed to be doing. It's hard.

      Our journey begins with accepting Christ, but we walk that journey everyday. Sometimes the path looks like it will be smoothing out for a little bit, other times (seems like a lot of the time) it gets pretty rocky, it is the narrow path after all. I guess it's something that you have to walk day by day. Day by day isn't easy... but God can carry us through. Help us Lord...

The Oblivious Script

So... the Oblivious Script. What is it? Basically, me. Plain, flat out, simple, me. I will try to be as honest as I possibly can. While there are certain details and places that I will not go to - in grace to the readers - I will try to be painfully honest and open. I chose Oblivious Script because I know that God knows what will happen in my life... all the mistakes... pains... joys... etc., but I don't. I don't know what will happen two seconds from now. I also don't know how I will feel spiritually in a month and a half. I am oblivious of the script of my life. God does know though and hopefully you can find some encouragement through the words I "key" here. I pray that each of you would find comfort, inspiration, and perhaps, something to think about. May all glory be to Him, after all it's not my life. Lata...