Self-Betrayal - Words unspoken

Something happened to me today. It happened in my conflict management resolution class. I was doing a project with other people in my group and was faced with a situation where I could have stepped up and made a difference. I even talked to the others in the group about it, but I didn't step up to the challenge. I had an idea that would have been good, but I didn't go through with it because I didn't want to do it all alone.

It is interesting that we can feel that way. Why does it happen? I wanted to see something happen. I had a good idea, but I didn't do anything. I was afraid to do it on my own. I was afraid to take a stand. What good is it to have good ideas, great ideas, or even revolutionary ideas if you do not take the courage to act on them even if no one will follow? Of course I don't mean stepping forward in malicious violent action, but I mean stepping out with good ideas even when the cost may be looking stupid.

I have spent most of my life following people when it comes to groups. If I am on my own I make it, but in groups, I settle into the background and will do what is necessary for the leaders of the group. I don't want to be this way. I want to step up, take courage, and jump out on a limb to do what I think is right. When we do that we risk making big mistakes and I direly don't want to make mistakes. In fact, if I could name my top five fears it would probably be pretty close to the top. I hate the idea of making a mistake, and even moreso when it involves the scrutiny of other people. But I can't live like this forever. I must change. I must be able to step out. I don't want to sit by and watch an opportunity go by in which I could have made a big difference. That in and of itself is a mistake. So, either way I run the risk of making a mistake.

God please help me to step out and make a difference when my time comes, and please help me to be able to know when that time is. Give me courage, Lord. Give me strength, Lord. I don't want to be just another silent voice among the masses refusing to cry out when my time to cry comes. I want to speak. Help me to know when. In Jesus name, Amen.

Our Stories

I was reading recently in one of my college textbooks about the "hermeneutic function of the family." It talked about how the family is the primary entity that should be teaching the younger generations about what Christ has done. It specifically refered to the institution of the passover in deuteronomy as something where one generation passed down knowledge to the next generation of what God has done for them. From what I understood this book pointed out that this section of verses tells us that our families should be the basis of teaching the next generation about God and the Bible.

But as I was reading this I began to wonder and think about what we teach to our children. Many times it is the story of David and Goliath, the story of Jesus and the Children, the Exodus, the creation and other very important and true stories. These are the stories of the faith. But I wonder why we don't teach them and tell them of our stories too.

Back in Biblical times the Bible stories were directly the story of, the history of, their people, or at least (in the New Testament ... for the gentiles) of some of the heads of the faith. It was all stories that happened not long ago. It was a history that largely shaped their culture. But in our day and age it is the history of a people from whom the savior came about 2000 years ago. I guess what I am wondering is why we don't share the stories of how God affected, intervened and changed our lives and our recent history.

Of course it isn't as authoritative as the Bible, but would it not also build faith? Instead of learning just about David and Goliath they could learn about how their grandfather had been working hard to preserve his farm through a drought but everything looked dismal. How he trusted in God and God brought him through. Why not along with the stories of Shaderach Meschach and Abednego we tell the stories of the men of faith and of martyrs of our own time? God has done incredible things in our lives and He still moves today. I think that our children would be missing out on something incredible if we simply told them all the Bible stories but left out how God has provided for us and moved in our day and age.


In the Bible it was truly important for them to pass on the truth of how God moved in their history. Why don't we tell our children how He has moved in ours?

Missing Him

It's amazing how we can go through life and forget about God so much. Not as in forgetting that He is there, but forgetting to think about Him and on Him. I was listening tonight to a recording of the college hour worship service that Fresno Pacific puts out. I had to stop and be still worshipping God. I could have continued doing what I had been doing, but I had to stop. Something in me stirred awake. You see, I used to worship through music a lot. Unfortunately most of that stopped because my positions in ministry and at college. Now I am beginning to long in my heart for that intimate time with God. I miss it and I want it back again. There is just something about worshipping God that moves me. I would encourage you to worship Him. Find some time. Listen to Him and be still. I truly miss Him...

Hey!!

Hey guys. I just wanted to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! There are all kinds of things we can be thankful for. I think that one of the things I am most thankful for are my friends and family. First and foremost I am thankful for the grace of Jesus.

What are you thankful for?

Been a while

Wow. It has really been a while since I posted anything in here. I really need to keep this more up to date. Well, what has been going on in my life as of late? Dental work. Yeah... thats a big fat yeah. I've had quite a bit, but I'll just leave it to that.

Things are going better with God. I don't think that I am feeling as alone anymore. However, there is still that sense of loneliness that comes. But it's not so bad. God is moving in my heart and I am discovering new friends and finding that in all reality, friends are there a lot of times, it's just that I am not letting them be. I keep myself from talking to them and such. It's really quite dumb. I could have more friends than I do now, I just end up keeping to myself. Ah yes, introverted style, yet, not totally introverted. (I don't think... eep)

How is everyone out there in the world? I don't know if anyone will read this soon, but just wondering! Whats up!?