Walking can be hard

Right now I am feeling well, rather irritated by some things that are going on, but thats ok. I'll get over it. Other than that, I wanted to talk about some of the things that have been going on inside of me recently.

I really want to be close to God and just recently I have in a way "re-dedicated" myself to seek after Him first... for Him to be my everything. This thing can be so hard though sometimes. My mind is hard to convince and skeptical. Many times I find myself lacking in faith, even though I know that He is there. I feel like I am in a dark cave and only see glimpses of Him now and then. I try to get close, but all I can see is darkness. But I keep walking. Every once in a while I will get another glimpse... and afterwards as I am stuck in the dark I wonder if this will ever end. Oh how I want for it to be as if I was right there with Him. Oh how I wish to leave this dark cave that I am traveling through. He is so hard to see, so hard to touch. I am lost in the merciless fathoms of the darkness of my own mind and reason. I wish to be free. Because I know that this darkness is only there because of my own mind. It is the involuntary cage that wraps me in a dark blanket that I toss and turn in, only peering through to the day light every once in a while.

Who will bring me through this? Who will help me through this? My Lord. Jesus. My God. He will rescue me from my own cave, my own cage, my own stifling blanket. Maybe I just need to stop flailing and just sit and wait for his loving arms to pick me up and like a father to his son who has been playing too long in the freshly warmed sheets, peel back the layers that I have entwined myself in bringing me into the light, hugging me tightly with his love.

That is my God. That is my Lord. My Daddy who gently peels back the sheets and lifts me out, keeping me safely in His arms.