Self-Betrayal - Words unspoken

Something happened to me today. It happened in my conflict management resolution class. I was doing a project with other people in my group and was faced with a situation where I could have stepped up and made a difference. I even talked to the others in the group about it, but I didn't step up to the challenge. I had an idea that would have been good, but I didn't go through with it because I didn't want to do it all alone.

It is interesting that we can feel that way. Why does it happen? I wanted to see something happen. I had a good idea, but I didn't do anything. I was afraid to do it on my own. I was afraid to take a stand. What good is it to have good ideas, great ideas, or even revolutionary ideas if you do not take the courage to act on them even if no one will follow? Of course I don't mean stepping forward in malicious violent action, but I mean stepping out with good ideas even when the cost may be looking stupid.

I have spent most of my life following people when it comes to groups. If I am on my own I make it, but in groups, I settle into the background and will do what is necessary for the leaders of the group. I don't want to be this way. I want to step up, take courage, and jump out on a limb to do what I think is right. When we do that we risk making big mistakes and I direly don't want to make mistakes. In fact, if I could name my top five fears it would probably be pretty close to the top. I hate the idea of making a mistake, and even moreso when it involves the scrutiny of other people. But I can't live like this forever. I must change. I must be able to step out. I don't want to sit by and watch an opportunity go by in which I could have made a big difference. That in and of itself is a mistake. So, either way I run the risk of making a mistake.

God please help me to step out and make a difference when my time comes, and please help me to be able to know when that time is. Give me courage, Lord. Give me strength, Lord. I don't want to be just another silent voice among the masses refusing to cry out when my time to cry comes. I want to speak. Help me to know when. In Jesus name, Amen.