alone

I feel so alone. I have friends who are Christians and everything. I talk to them, I see them, I hang out with them, I even talk to m friends who are older in the Lord, but it doesn't really seem like that ones that I talk to are relaly looking and searching for God like I am. I write this not out of pride, but out of pain because I wish that there was someone to walk this road with me. I want to walk with someone who wants God more than anything else. It is so tiring. I think that maybe one of the problems is that there are not many Christian people or ministers that I truly respect... or rather that I don't think very highly of. I see Christian after Christian go to church, worship, maybe read and pray, but live their lives as if their faith is seperate from the rest of their lives, when it should be at the core of who they are. Everything that they are should revolve around Christ. That just doesn't happen much anymore. People get so caught up with school, church activities, relationships, fun things, entertainment, etc. etc. that we forget that at the heart of all of it is Christ. I am tired of it and I want someone there with me who will say, yeah, we are supposed to be focused on Christ with all that we are. Yeah, I am seeking to be close to Him and to do His will in my life (not my own). Yeah, I am wanting to give Him all that I am, wanting to sacrifice what I want for what He wants me to do if He calls me for it. You don't find those people. They just don't seem to exist and I am tired... That is what I am feeling.